The End Is Coming! Yes, Again! Non-famous Blogger Eaten By Shark! Exclamation Points Made Illegal by Obama in Secret UN Deal!

Screen Shot 2017-09-19 at 6.43.18 AMThe world is coming to an end again. This time it’s going to end on Sept. 23 when a great whopping planet called Nibiru is going to smack us.

What? You didn’t know? Oh, dear. Well, if you have plans for anything after Sept 22 you might want to reconsider.

We know this because a “christian numerologist”, whatever the heck that is, has figured it out from a Bible verse that says– well, it says absolutely nothing about planets hitting us or anything else, really. That, along with lots and lots of made up numbers, tells him that we’re going to get smacked by a giant planet called Nibiru on the 23rd. And for whatever reason some tabloid media outlets have picked up on it and have plastered it all over the place.

There is no planet “Nibiru”, of course. Nor is a planet going to hit us any time soon. If there was we’d have seen it coming by now. In fact, we’d have seen it coming years ago. And there’s no point in claiming there is some kind of conspiracy by NASA and astronomers to keep the info secret because there are tens of thousands of amateur astronomers like me out here, and we’d have spotted it ages ago and would have gleefully been plastering our images of it all over the place. We love things like planets getting hammered by really big rocks and comets, stars blowing up. solar systems being eaten by black holes, galaxies colliding and stuff like that. So if there was a planet about to smack the Earth, we’d have been all over that.

This is about the fifth or sixth “end of the world” that we’ve had in the last couple of decades that I can remember. There was the Y2K nonsense, of course. Then we were going to get hit by a comet. Then the LHC was going to generate a black hole that would swallow the Earth… Oh, brother…

Why do we human beings have this fascination with the world coming to an end? You’d think we’d have enough other problems to worry about rather than let yet another scam artist or person who needs professional help who spouts this nonsense to influence our lives. Yet we do it over and over again.

I am especially fascinated with all of these so-called Christians claiming they can predict the end of the world when Jesus himself said that we can’t predict it. He came right out and said that when the end happens, we’ll never see it coming.

So ignore that little voice in the back of your head that’s saying but what if he’s really right? maybe I should cash in my 401K and have one last party. The 23rd will come. No planet is going to hit us.

And you jackasses in the media? Just stop it, all right? Just stop giving free publicity to the loonies, nut cases, conspiracy theorists, anti-vaxers and the people who think you get ebola from wind turbines. When you run across that kind of stuff, just chuckle and go on past.

Oh, and while I got you media scam artists here, stop with the shark crap already? We’re sick of sharks, all right? More people are killed by cows than sharks. Seriously. More people are killed by their own cuddly dogs than sharks. And did you hear about that woman who was eaten by her own cats? Why wasn’t that plastered all over your stupid tabloids? Of course not, because it wasn’t a shark. If a shark had been involved you’d have been all over that one. But no, a few bucks slipped to you in the middle of a parking lot by the cat lobby and poof, you make it all go away, don’t you? Sharks are cuddly, lovely animals who respond positively to affection. Like my shark Leroy. See? Aww, isn’t that cute? He wants his nose robbed. Here Leroy… No. No, Leroy, my arm is not a chew toy, Leroy. Now stop that right now, Leroy… No. Let go… EEAAGGEEHHHHAAAA!!!!!

 

5 thoughts on “The End Is Coming! Yes, Again! Non-famous Blogger Eaten By Shark! Exclamation Points Made Illegal by Obama in Secret UN Deal!

  1. Egads, I just discovered I can leave comments to my own posts. How did I not notice that before? I wish I could claim I was under the influence of alcohol or controlled substances or something when I wrote that last paragraph. I can’t. Sigh. I get like that once in a while. Don’t know why. Don’t feel sorry for me. Feel sorry for MrsGF. She’s got to put up with me, the poor woman.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I think the phenomena of how the person who makes the prediction reacts when it doesn’t come true is even more fascinating.
    That guy who predicted the rapture a few years ago and had lots of people all excited to be sucked up into Gods Lap, was able to just readjust his belief. Despite OVERWHELMING evidence that he was wrong, he managed to keep his belief and say that we just couldn’t see the apocalypse because it’s wasn’t like we expected it, or something of that nature. Although how he explained to himself his lack of living in God’s lap…
    People will defend a belief in the face of absolute stark evidence that it’s not true.

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    • You’re absolutely right with that thought. Not only do a lot of the “prophets” keep right on going, the religions they started find some way to survive as well.

      I recall the Millerites from back in the 1840s or 1850s. Back in the 1820s Miller claimed that the world was going to end sometime around 1845-1846. Thousands of people believed it, despite the fact Miller kept hesitating about an actual date. Mark Twain wrote about a group of them (I think they were Millerites) in Egypt when he was on the tour that produced his book Innocents Abroad. I think it was a splinter group. They’d sold everything and went to Egypt to what they thought was some holy site where they would be taken up when the end came. And ended up stranded there, penniless, when the end didn’t come.

      Because Miller was always reluctant to declare an exact date, even hedged things a bit claiming calculations might be off a bit, so the group, some of them anyway, hung on. A lot moved to different denominations. Many became Shakers who believed the second coming had already happened. Those who remained eventually morphed into the Seventh Day Adventists, so in a way Millerites are still around.

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  3. gaaaah. I just wrote an insightful thought about the human capacity to adjust belief in the face of overwhelming evidence against their belief. As will happen on 9-24 to this yahoo. And the comment just disappeared! You will have to take my word on it. It was deep. It was insightful. It was without any typos.
    Oh well. It was too long anyway. Maybe I will do a post.

    Like

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